Lonely Planet

It's pretty lonely in my neck of my woods most of the time. The friends I have made recently are all busy with their own families over the summer and my best friend is spending time with her OH who lives far away from us, so I'll leave them be for the weekend. They don't get much time together.

I'm one of those people that can be lonely in a crowded room. I could sit in Wembley Stadium and not say a single real thing to a single person. I can converse quite well, in fact I never shut up. But running quietly under the jibber jabber, like a Ferrari engine waiting for it's gas to be depressed, my actual voice sits silent. Everybody seems to ask, hey are you okay? They don't want a real answer. What they are actually saying to you is don't load me with your issues, be fine, and everything will carry on as usual. British stiff upper lip and all that.

Well this British stiff upper lip is beginning to grate a bit. I have counted the last real thing I said to someone. It was my best friend. I won't tell you what I said. TMI and stuff. But that was a few days ago. I haven't seen any other friends in person for months and I feel so isolated. I have a window next to the computer that looks out onto the main drag. Oh. that sounds all industrial, but it's nice honestly. Mature trees and plants, plenty of people going about their lives.

And me. Sat here listening to my 45GB of Itunes music, with my life stuck on Pause, until 21st September at the very earliest, when I start Year 2 of my degree. I must be the worst student in the world because i literally CAN'T.WAIT to start back.

Someone save me from drowning in my sea of silence.