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When you say it like that, it seems a long time. Ancient. Dragging up an image of a wrinkly old crone, like Macbeth's witches, dragging a leg, and cackling along to herself. You wont be far wrong! Apart from the draggy leg, and wrinkles, tht's exactly what I feel like. Old. Past-it. Well what a shelf-life I've had! I've been through more than most people at my age could imagine. I survived it too, which is more of a surprise!
All joking aside, I don't feel old, but I don't feel young either. I feel ageless. I still think and move and feel along the same track as I did at 17. Some of my thoughts are more mature, and add in the stretchy tummy that I can tuck in my jeans. But roughly the same. I took a long trip down memory lane last night with the aid of Wikipedia and music downloads. Some of the songs I remember from being little were from the 80's. Jesus Christ. I survived the 80's 90's and the Noughties.
I've been feeling a bit depressed lately, probably to do with turning 25, and being at the stage of life I'm at. NO man, but to be prefectly frank, I don't want one. I'm not saying never, just not right now. Or for the foreseeable future. To say i'm an academic, my sentence structure could use some work!
I have had plenty of birthday messages and my family came down the other night to give me cards and stuff, but being alone save for your kids on your birthday is a bit depressing. I have to remind them to say Happy Birthday because they're too young to realise i'd like them to say it in the morning.
And I'm slightly teary. Repeat after me: I dont need a man, even to say happy birthday to me. Repeat until I dont care anymore. This could take a while.
I have a politics lecture later, which by the way should be illegal on birthdays. I'm glad the sun's out because if it wasn't I know I'd be feeling much more down. My moods are interlocked with the weather. The snow made me sink low. I had to drag myself out of the funk it put me in all alone. No big deal, I've done it before. More than likely at some later point in my life, I'll have to do it again.
I think because I'm avoiding my reading for politics, and it IS my birthday after all, I will take the next few hours to myself and watch Tv from the 90's. Cybill, Roseanne, Friends. Entertainment was different then. Bitter, dark, but real. Just like me at times.
Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear meeee, Happy Birthday to me!
Well noone else is going to sing it are they? So I might as well.
